I bought a computer yesterday. A Mac Book. No big deal, right? Some folks prefer PCs, some prefer Macs. Wrong. This purchase was bigger than that. For all intents and purposes, having a Mac prevents me from working remotely at my current job. Increasingly, given Andi's and my conversation about where we are going to be after she graduates in next month, it looks like we won't be in the Bay Area.
What's the point? I've just made a major purchase for my private coaching practice.
Scary. And exciting. I just keep plugging away as if it's already so, as if there is no one to answer to but myself. And, indeed, it's true. There is no one, ultimately, to answer to in this.
I keep coming back to the archetype of the clown that my (theater) teacher spoke about a couple of weeks ago. It's a powerful symbol, I think, for the process of transformation I've been going through for a long time.
The clown, my teacher says, exists in reference to nothing - no walls, no boundaries of any kind - and no one. He stands, existentially, alone. Everything - every possible space, thought, relationship - is pure potential. And then ... And then, from this nothingness, he conjures something. He moves his body or his eyes, he makes a face - and suddenly he is in the world and in relationship to the world. He creates and then inhabits the world.
That's beautiful.
And that's what this process has been headed toward for me. Creating and inhabiting the world without taking my cues from anywhere, anyone else.
Wow.
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